i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
