I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
