i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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