Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
