Pants 0. Shit 1.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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