It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
