I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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