My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
pray to the hookup gods
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
