Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
