idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
