am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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