That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
