Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
no, he came in my armpit
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize