I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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