omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
