Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
