it's like russian roulette but with a penis
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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