tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
