Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
