he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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