There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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