i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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