Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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