he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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