Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
