I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
