i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
