whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
