I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
