Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
