I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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