Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
