In America we eat man semen.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
