I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
operation harelip BJ is a go
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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