I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
