I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sext me about skeletons
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