I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
