I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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