Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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