I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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