I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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