Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
