This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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