Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
