did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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