You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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