Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
