The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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