Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
