Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
