Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it because I queefed?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
