I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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