I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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