I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
