Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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