I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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