I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
