Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
