He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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