They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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