so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
