You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
