Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
