I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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